Fuck Inspirational Memes

Today is world mental health awareness day. I want to add to the conversation because I really don’t want to add to the conversation. Because I’m tired of having the conversation with myself and those closest to me. I’d rather everyone flip mental illness off and have it recoil in shame, the same shame it makes everyone it affects feel. But that’s not how this game works.

I’m crazy. Yeah, not Joker-crazy, but on the crazy spectrum. More specifically, I suffer from anxiety & depression. D & A, as I call them.

You might not know this because I’ve got defense mechanisms in place so I’m not found out. Because that would be the worst thing that could happen. Right? I’m not like those people. No. Not me. I feel so bad for those people. The sad people. The lost people. But the truth is I am those people, and it’s time I spoke up for my people. So here I go, my people, let’s get real.

You see, I'm Doing a mental rhythmic gymnastics routine to Celine Dion just to appear half functional most days. Because of the mental gymnastics I’m performing it can be hard to get through to me. And that’s a real bitch. That’s what pisses me off. It makes me less available to the people around me and that fucking gets my goat. Except I don’t have a goat. Maybe if I had a goat... it would be so cute that I wouldn’t be depressed...please buy me a goat.

I wish I could tell you how I’ve risen like a phoenix out of the ashes and have so much to share about how to fix your brain. But I don’t. Because there isn’t an easy fix to having a sick brain. The best advice I can offer is simple crap you can find anywhere else. So here it is through my lens, anyway:

Just keep going. A day will come when the clouds clear and you will walk in the sun. That doesn’t mean they won’t roll in again but it’s important to enjoy those moments of sunshine while they last. Be brave enough to enjoy them, I know you’re scared they won’t last long. That’s okay.

Try not to go it alone. Depression fucking loves it when you’re solo. It wants you to be Harry Potter living under the stairs, hiding yourself from the world. It grows and mutates like potato bugs there.

Accept the love people show you, you deserve it. No matter what your brain says. When you connect with people, mental illness doesn’t get to Celine Dion at your brain quite as loudly. When you’re with someone who lets you be you, depression’s little heart ceases to go on and on. Someone can be your strength when you are weak. Can be your voice when you can’t speak. Can be your eyes when you can’t see. When you get real about how you’re feeling

D & A lets go a little bit and drifts down into the icy Atlantic waters as you wait to be rescued on half of a door that can definitely support two people, Rose! At this point, I feel like it’s really important to say how much I love Celine Dion. I lost my way with this post but it’s all coming back to me now. I just want my love for her to be super clear. Anyway, let’s get back to it, why are you guys bringing up Celine so much?! Geeze. Let’s focus on the power of love, okay?

Give your support system space to breathe. It’s hard on them, too.

The only constant is change. It won’t always be like this. It could get worse! Just kidding. But only halfsies. Sometimes it feels like there’s no way out. Sometimes the meme wisdom of just ‘thinking positively’ isn’t even close to enough to making you feel even the slightest bit better. Actually, this rambling should be called: Fuck inspirational memes. My depression laughs at those memes. It “oh honey’s” those memes. Know that you will feel different someday. It may get better, it may get worse, but it will change. Trust the tide that is your mind.

Social media is only part of the story. No one’s tweeting “I don’t know if I can make it into work today becuase I had a panic attack the second my eyes opened. #YOLO!”, Or “I’m literally terrified everyone I love will abandon me and I know I have zero evidence to prove this irrational fear! #SquadGoals!” or “I’m worried everyone hates me as much as I hate myself today. #MotivationMonday!” Try not to get sucked into everyone’s PR spin.

It’s okay to ask for help. It’s ok to just admit you’re in a hole. Sometimes admitting you’re in a hole is the only way to dig yourself out of it. Wait, how do you dig yourself out of a hole? Doesn't diggin put you even further in a hole? What I'm trying to say is I hope you can ask for help.

But before we get lost down a tunnel of anxiety I’d like to point out some pleasant off-label benefits of mental illness. They can make you more empathetic. They make compassionate listeners and understanding friends. I could write a book about useful ways to productively spend your insomnia hours! You thought hodge-podge was dead but you. Were. Wrong. Mental illness can fine tune your bullshit meter. Sometimes the bullshit being detected is external but often the bullshit’s calling from inside the house. Don't worry, you're more of a "Sidney Prescott "than a 'Rose McGowan-in-Scream'. You can live to have many sequels.

Let your people know how much you appreciate them and that you realize it’s super hard to watch us tear ourselves down and not know how to help. Let them know how you adore their optimism even when you can’t manifest a positive word to save your life.They are everyday superheroes.

I didn’t write this post because I have any answers. I wrote it so I could talk about Celine. That’s a half-truth. I wrote it because it helps. It helps to put things out there. It helps to reach out on Mental Health Awareness Day and say ‘it me’. It helps to talk about what brings us shame. It helps to remember we are not our dark thoughts. So write, sing, knit, cook, bake, flower arrange, read, or send a really witty text. Because you deserve to have moments of joy for joy’s sake. You deserve to remember you are doing better than your sick brain wants you to think.